At that time in 1952, Yogi Bapa had granted Dadubhai the experience of sakshatkar, in Gondal. Due to this fact, he had renounced all family ties. I had to take leave from work at short notice and had returned to India to take up the family responsibilities. Prior to my return, Maganbapa had summoned me in Mombasa and told me “arrangements are being made for Dadubhai to marry Jyoti but this does not seem appropriate. Rumours are being spread in the whole satsang that Sonaba is mesmerising everyone and Dadubhai has fallen under her spell. The Agri Orient business is prospering but no-one seems to trust one another and each seems to view the other with doubt”.
In March of 1952, I received a letter in Mombasa regarding Dadubhai’s sakshatkar and reports of how the Agri Orient company was prospering. On the other hand, I also heard the rumours that Sonaba had mesmerised Dadubhai. There were various rumours for and against Dadubhai.
Swami Bapa (Yogi Bapa) bestowed extra-ordinary compassion and gave me the opportunity of doing his seva. In return he purified my buddhi to such an extent that I could remain neutral, tranquil and calm in any situation without taking sides. But for Him, this was impossible for me. My Dada had trained me to be sceptical. If a glass was half full of water, I would see only the empty half. This was my worthless buddhi but Bapa purified it and made it such that I began to see not the empty half but the full half – I would see the degree of devotion to God of a person, not the degree of their fault. This was something that no one except an Avtari Purush could accomplish and Bapa had done this in return for such a small service. On 17th April 1952 when I landed in Bombay, I thought that if Yogi Bapa had truly granted Dadubhai the sakshatkar, and is doing his work, then so be it. I made a pledge to myself that if I believed Bapa to be an incarnation of God or if He made Himself known to me as such, then from that day I would live as his sevak (slave). He would be my Krishna and His word, my Gita – “Karishaya vachanam tava”. I would surrender wholeheartedly. If I was not convinced to the same extent as Dadubhai, then he could continue his sadhna and I would return to Mombasa at the end of my vacation. I had come to India to discover the truth. Leaving our possessions in my teacher’s quarters in Mombasa, Ramesh with Dr Chimanbhai, Kamla, Praful and I came to India.
Dadubhai was in Delhi at the time. Kantibhai (Sonaba’s son) accompanied Bapa in his travels. Randé was running the Agri Orient company in Bombay. P. Ba and Jyotiben had come to receive us at the port in Bombay. As we had quite a lot of luggage, Ba had arranged for one of the transport workers (Raghunath) to meet us there with his lorry. We first saw Ba and Jyotiben from behind the fence where we were going through customs. Once we passed through the customs, Ba told me that she would take care of the luggage and would follow in a while, asking me to go home in the car.
Ever since I had been in Africa, I had known and believed that P. Ba, P. Ben and P. Kashiba had attained a high spiritual status (Brahm ni Murti). This was the reason I had taken P. Ba’s side when Taraben’s marriage with Maganbapa’s son was being decided. I had stayed one night at Maganbapa’s house for this purpose and we had spent the whole night discussing frankly at length the issues of the wedding. The following morning Chanchalba, Maganbapa’s wife spoke to me and mentioned an extremely high dowry. I was quite annoyed that when Maganbapa’s daughter was getting married to our Jayanti he had expected us to hold no conditions on the matter of the dowry as we were all satsangis. I had gone to such lengths to prevent my bhabhi from asking for a high dowry by telling her we were gaining a daughter from “akshardham” and that we shouldn’t be laying down conditions. Even when I had met Maganbapa to finalise his daughter’s marriage to our Jayanti, I had mentioned the impending marriage of Taraben with his son. At that time, Maganbapa had said “Yes Babubhai, that is Swamibapa’s agna and Dadubhai and I have already agreed about this in Bombay. In this matter we will do just as you say.”
As this was the word of an ékantik I did not doubt it at the time nor ask for it to be guaranteed in any way. At that time I was not precise in my social dealings. When we were making a commitment of accepting Maganbapa’s daughter, I didn’t ask them to make their commitment regarding Taraben. I had trusted him as an aksharmukta and had dealt with him in that capacity. Then, when Jayanti had married his daughter and I went to Tororo to discuss Taraben’s marriage to his son, he referred me to his wife! She began making huge demands for the dowry and laying down conditions. I said “Chanchalba, what if we had acted the same way when your daughter was to be married to our son? At that time, in the normal course of events, even though we could have demanded a substantial dowry from you I would not have advised my nephew to marry your daughter. But waiving all that aside, I considered only the fact the you are satsangis and allowed the marriage to go ahead. Are you now bargaining in these social dealings in your capacity as the humble parents of that daughter? To this day, I have never been deceived. Considering that Maganbapa is so highly regarded in the satsang I put my trust in him, and that was my mistake. So how can you make such harsh conditions now? Isn’t it ironic that whilst all the satsangis regard Maganbapa as an ékantik and do as he commands, you do not appear to respect his judgement.” She simply replied “household matters and social dealings such as marriage are not his territory, etc, etc.”
I was slightly hurt and disappointed. I felt that I should have finalised Taraben’s marriage at the time when we were discussing Jayanti’s wedding because then Maganbapa and Chanchalba were desperate and they would have agreed, in their time of need. It was my mistake to have carried out social dealings with satsangis. It had been the first time I had been deceived. I made a note of their conditions and told them that I would advise them after consulting Sonaba. Maganbapa, who had been listening to our conversation in the adjacent room, came out and said, “Don’t worry Babubhai. I will ensure that my son marries Taraben according to the conditions that you specify”. I replied “No, I cannot agree to that. After all, Taraben has to spend her life with your son and your wife”.
Then I wrote to Sonaba advising that in my opinion if she was considering marrying Taraben with Maganbapa then I had no objections! But marrying her to Maganbapa’s son was not worth considering because neither his son nor his wife had any respect for Maganbapa and did not heed him at all. It is your decision. I await your instructions. P. Ba replied saying we should not pursue the matter. In this way Bapa had granted me the strength and spiritual intellect to remain calm and tranquil.
It would have been easier to transform the rajogun and tamogun natures of people such as Hirabhai, Kakubhai and Lakshman Bapa than to convert a satvogun natured person such as myself. To change my buddhi so that it would remain neutral, calm and tranquil could only have been achieved by Sakshat Brahm Yogiji Maharaj. Hence having confirmed my conviction that Yogiji Maharaj is God, I came to India.
I came to India in April 1952. For about a month I calmly observed the situation at home and in the offices of the Agri Orient company. The atmosphere at home was tumultuous and the office was haphazardous. Each person living according to his own beliefs, each believed Yogiji Maharaj to be God, and hence made sankalpas to fulfil his ambitions in his own way. The situation at the Agri Orient was such that there was a deficit of 10 lakh Rs. There was a lot of fraud and deception. There was no loyalty to the company. Everybody was in a state of oblivion. Dadubhai, experiencing upsham, was in a state of total confusion, rushing between Delhi and Bombay on a daily basis. His trips between Delhi and Bombay were so many and so frequent that the total distance would equal the distance of five trips around the world! If asked why he was doing this, his reason would be that it was for the business. He would do katha which was full of “bombastic” words. As he had experienced the sakshatkar, P. Ba, Ben, Kashiba and Diwaliba considered him as Purshotam Narayan; equal to Shastriji Maharaj. They believed this and convinced others as well. Randé and Dadubhai’s other friends thought that he had had a mental breakdown. Kantibhai, who was also worried, followed him everywhere and looked after him. Chaganbhai considered Dadubhai a “Yogi Junior” and took care of him. In Tardev, Lalita and her brother ruled. There was no unity. Bapa had begun an operation by exposing everybody’s true characteristics. Each one felt as though they were on a merry-go-round at the top of a volcano about to erupt. They all lived in fear of being destroyed when the volcano erupted. No one knew what was happening and everyone did what he or she felt was right. I observed all this with my intellectual mind.
After one month Dadubhai came to Bombay and we stayed together. At that time he was in tremendous upsham, running around in total confusion. I took Maniben to the terrace and said “What have you all done to Dadubhai? He is totally unstable and everything is in a state of disarray. You enjoy the benefits from the Agri Orient and I will take Dadu to Mombasa”. Maniben was dumbfounded, she did not know what to say.
If Yogi Bapa had initiated these circumstances, then I had nothing to worry about. If, however, the circumstances had been brought about by their own desires and interpretations of the satsang then it would not take long for them to come tumbling down.
During this period, Dadubhai and I visited the Hanging Garden and I confided in him regarding my observations. He described his interpretations of the circumstances which I found totally unconvincing. It was impossible to have an intelligible conversation with someone who appeared to have a mental breakdown. Feeling there was no one else but Maharaj that I could turn to, on the day of Akhatrij, Dadubhai sent me with Chaganbhai to Anand for Yogiji Maharaj’s darshan. Maganbhai and Chaganbhai were also present. Maganbhai and Dadubhai were in favour of Sonaba (regarding Jyoti’s marriage) and Chaganbhai was in favour of Lalita. I was neutral. Dadubhai had sent me to ask Yogi Bapa regarding the marriage with Jyoti. It was more or less certain that the wedding would take place and they had only been waiting for me to arrive to finalise the matter. As Jyoti was very dear to Ba, she had already prepared expensive jewellery, garments, etc. for the wedding. As far as I was concerned, I did not mind if Dadubhai married a European lady. I was only concerned with his happiness and had written to him telling him that I was aware that he was not happy in his marriage and should marry again if he wished. When he was in England, Dadubhai wrote to me regarding his intention to marry a lady called Devyani. He had also mentioned a second lady in Bombay and thirdly, Jyoti. Maniben and Diwaliba were all in favour of Jyoti as they felt that a satsangi’s daughter would be a better choice, as she would look after them. When I arrived in India Sonaba informed me of all the preparations for the impending marriage. I was not at all concerned with what Dadubhai did. I had formed a habit of calmly observing everything and this is what I carried on doing.
When I went to pay my respects to Bapa, I donated the amount Bapa requested (as seva) and then spoke to Bapa about what Dadubhai had requested me to ask. He replied “I am only a sadhu. I do not understand such matters.” Ever since I was in Africa, I believed Yogiji Maharaj to be God so I said “But I believe you to be God”. I did not realise that a person sitting next to me was biased. Bapa had to be careful in what he said because not everyone had full divyabhav in him. All Bapa said was “Today is the day of Akhatrij. Before the next Akhatrij, everything will have been decided and sorted out”. I then said “Bapa, you are God incarnate, and are so steady, calm and tranquil. Dadubhai is acting irrationally and running round aimlessly. He does not pay any attention to the business. How will the business survive without proper management?” Bapa said Dadubhai would get better within three months.
What else could I have said to one whom I considered to be God? After leaving Bapa’s room one person asked what Bapa had said about the matter regarding Jyoti and also questioned why I had asked Bapa in the presence of that other person. I thought at the time that if they really believed Bapa to be God, then why keep reservations? Nevertheless, I made a firm resolution there and then if ever I needed to ask Bapa anything personal I would do so in private. As Bapa always had to consider what others might think, he could not give his true opinion in the presence of those who did not sincerely believe in Him. We returned to Bombay.
We next had darshan of Bapa on the day of Guru Purnima. Bapa was on his way to the temple of Bochasan via Dharmaj and we accompanied him to Anand. On the top floor of the temple at Dharmaj, I spoke to Bapa in private about the three matters which seemed impossible to resolve:
1. The Agri Orient deficit.
2. The spiritual status of Dadubhai – upsham.
3. Dadubhai’s impending marriage to Jyoti.
Bapa said, “I proclaim in front of the seven deities that: –
1. The Agri Orient deficit will be sorted by Diwali time.
2. Dadubhai’s status will improve.
3. And regarding Jyoti, no, no, no – definitely NO!
The Guru-Purnima festival was held in Bochasan in 1952. At that time I had become so attached to Yogiji Maharaj that I followed him wherever he went and hence went to Bochasan with him. From Dharmaj, I had accompanied Bapa to Bochasan in a dilapidated taxi. That evening I sat opposite Bapa in the prayer hall doing darshan; I gazed adoringly at this supreme ‘golden’ lustre idol which had captivated my heart and soul. My soul was strongly attracted and being drawn towards Bapa. We sat there, just Bapa and I. Then some one announced that it was time for supper and Bapa requested me to go and eat.
When I tried to get up and go, I simply could not bring myself to leave this divine satpurush. I appeared to be magnetised by him. I could not bear to part from him for even a short while but Bapa had asked me to go and I obeyed. I went straight up to the room above the prayer hall where all the VIPs normally stayed. There I burst into tears, I could not help it, and I just cried and cried. I could not bring myself to stop. I really tried to gain control and compose myself but to no avail. Maganbhai came to call me to eat and asked: “What is the matter with you? What has happened? Do you miss Tardev? Do you miss Dadubhai?”
What could I say in reply? I couldn’t stop crying and my only thought was that I found it impossible to leave Yogi Bapa. I could not bear to live without Him.
Then Maganbhai went to Bapa and said “Something seems to have happened to Babubhai.” Bapa said: “Bring Babubhai to me”. Then we both went to Bapa’s room where Bapa was drinking ukado; Bapa gave me some ukado as prasadi. My crying ceased and I became calmer. Bapa said, “Has something like this ever happened to you before?” I said ‘No. When I was in Mombasa and meditated deeply, I would become totally oblivious to everything but nothing like this has ever happened to me.”
Then we returned to Bombay. Bapa always spent the month of Shravan in Bombay. When he came to Bombay, he stayed at our house – 3rd floor of Tardev, No 4. It was 31st May 1952 at approximately 4.00 p.m. when the spiritual discourses given by Bapa were well underway and P. Bapa was explaining the Vachnamrut G. I. 71. The whole room was full hence Dadubhai, Kantibhai and I were talking in another room. P. Sonaba came and exclaimed “What are you all doing here whilst Bapa is giving such divine darshan; he looks glorious.” We all ran and found Bapa explaining Vachnamrut G. I. 71 in which Maharaj has spoken about darshan of heaven on earth. Muktos are chaitanya swaroopos, and God’s abode is nirgurn. At this time the mere drashti of Bapa had a considerable effect upon me and it was then that my inner spirit became convinced that this Bapa illuminates my soul and I am his light. I made a resolution from that day to live with humility, for Him and His service according to His wishes. This was my religion and purpose in life.
My intellectual mind firmly accepted this according to Vachnamrut Kariyani 1 and 7. My quest for God and his statute which began in Mombasa had finally ended. It was as if Arjun had found his Lord Krishna, and the Kurukshetra was the total destruction of the beliefs, attitudes and opinions which were strongly engraved within the ego, indriyas and antahkaran of Babubhai Patel, from Karamsad, which were replaced with a conviction towards Bapa. The sadhna to strengthen my nishtha had begun with fierce intensity. I regretfully thought: “Oh Lord, I have wasted 36 years of my life, what have I achieved? I belonged to you, yet I have disregarded the inner voice and have wasted all these years.” I felt very anguished, I repented and commenced a new direction in life.
At each and every moment aspire to live for Him and His service, this was now my doctrine. To forget my life until now, I developed a spiritually intellectual attitude which would annihilate the ego and maya within me and replace them with the divine presence of Yogi Bapa. I decided that I would maintain myself between the drashta and the drashya, and would assess whether my thoughts, emotions and deeds were sincere to Bapa. I started to live according to this principle but at the same time I felt I just could not live without Bapa. I wished to be in Bapa’s presence constantly and to accompany him everywhere. This was a childish affliction. As Bapa was going to stay that night at Kantibhai’s house we were taking Bapa to Tardev in Kantibhai’s Plymouth (car). Kantibhai and I sat at the front of the car whilst Bapa and the sevak sat at the back. A thought crossed my mind that we should take Bapa for a ride. Instantly from the back of the car Bapa asked “Who does this car belong to?” This question took me by surprise. I looked at Bapa and realised his motive. I replied “It belongs to you”. To this Bapa said “Then who should you be asking?” Even though I felt that it would be quite nice to show Bapa around Bombay and places such as the Chopati, I suppressed my thoughts and replied “I should have asked you”. Following this we went for a long drive to the Chopati and the Marine Drive area of Bombay, finally leaving Bapa at Kantibhai’s house. I went back to Tardev 4C where I shared a room with Dadukaka. Then the phase of my irrational behaviour began. Bapa went to stay at the Brahm Shatriya Vadi. I was totally engrossed in making arrangements for Bapa and the santos who accompanied him. I made arrangements for the bed linen and the food. They would all sleep in one large hall, Bapa also slept there. The next day one of the sevaks said to me that Bapa had not slept very well the previous night due to a lot of noise. I said that I would stay there with Bapa that night, which I did. As Bapa had a slight cold, I had stayed up with him but at approximately 10.00 p.m. Bapa asked me to go to sleep saying that he was feeling better. I laid my mattress next to Bapa, and as soon as I went to sleep, I began to snore extremely loudly. Not a single person in the entire hall could sleep that night. Everyone, except me, was awake. One such sadhu who had been awakened by my snoring shook me vigorously and said “Bhaiya, do you realise that your snoring is disturbing everyone and keeping them awake”. I sat up immediately and said that I would try not to go back to sleep. I tried to rest sitting up but before long I had fallen asleep and my snoring had resumed! The sadhu became slightly irritated and said “What kind of a person are you? Don’t you want anyone to get any sleep?” Another sadhu informed him that I was Dadubhai’s brother and he should mind what he said to me to which he replied “Never mind that. He should consider that others need their rest.” I realised that my solution of sitting up would not work hence I asked Bapa’s sevak who was sleeping in another room to sleep in my place and I slept in his as it was too late to go back home.
From that moment and to this day, I have never undertaken personal seva as I might hinder rather than help. My aptitude was for organising seva rather than doing personal seva. I would determine the best candidates for a particular seva and would allocate them accordingly, overseeing everything. The cooking duties were allocated to Popatbhai, Sonaba, Foi, Gordhanbhai etc. Chandrakantbhai was in charge of taking Bapa to the devotees’ houses for padhramni. Maganbhai Patel and various youths took charge of cleaning the halls of residence and I was the treasurer.
In this way, my talents were used for the seva of Bapa and his muktos. I later went to work in the Agri Orient. However, I continued to look after the money which was donated and my irrational status continued. At Diwali I noticed that the financial status of the Agri Orient had started to improve just as Bapa had promised. Normally Bapa did not perform miracles but we had received a shipment of 10,000 tons of yellow fertiliser which was quickly sold at a profit of Rs.100 per Tonne. This cleared the outstanding deficit in the company. I observed all this whilst working at the Agri Orient and believed that Bapa was indeed a Gunatit Swaroop.
Then I received a letter from McInon McKenzie informing me that as my vacation had nearly ended, they had made a booking for me to return to Mombasa in September. It was my intention to realise Bapa as God incarnate, therefore I decided to take sick leave for a further six months. It was a requirement to obtain a sick certificate from a government doctor for those who were more than 300 miles away from their place of work. Randé had connections with such a doctor and we went to Kolapur to obtain a certificate but at the last minute he backed out. I did not know what to do next. In an unfamiliar city I felt lost and did not know how to obtain a sick certificate. Whenever my intellect failed and I could not see a way forward I would turn immediately to Bapa, for example, in the cases of a promotion, the incident regarding Praful’s birth, and now for a sickness certificate to obtain leave. I could not rely on anyone but Bapa so I prayed to Him and He solved my problem straightaway. These incidents had reinforced my belief that Bapa was beyond al, karma and maya – he was God, only he could change the direction of natural forces. Since I was in Africa, I believed that I could not apply lauvkik or alauvkik standards to Bapa or measure / judge him by them, this belief now became even more entrenched.
Once we were visiting one of our agents where, by chance, we met Dr. Gaitandé who happened to be a Government Doctor. I explained my predicament and he issued me with a sick certificate at a meagre cost of Rs. 20. I sent this off to McInon McKenzie in Bombay, and realised that Bapa had heard my prayers.
On one occasion Kaka, Randé and I were in the company of Bapa. I said to Bapa “I believe that you are God, and to live for you and for your service, according to your principles is the highest attainment as quoted in the shastras. It is my wish to do this, and experience the heavenly peace and bliss of which you talk so often. Let me have your conditions.” Bapa was very shrewd and would not let such an opportunity pass.
He laid down the following three conditions:
1. Stay in Bombay and work with Dadubhai at the Agri Orient.
2. Keep divyabhav with Dadubhai, Chaganbhai, Harshadbhai and Kantibhai.
3. Believe that the Agri Orient belongs to Maharaj and do whatever is necessary.
I accepted, and from that day I began work at the Agri office. At home it came to my attention that Taraben was feeling desolate and forlorn and could not confide in anyone. She had an appeasing nature and this caused a conflict within her, which I could see. Therefore, I went to her aid. Bapa must have inspired me to give her moral support and she too began to trust in me just as a sinking person clings to a floating piece of wood. The first thing I taught Taraben was that she should not always concede to everything. I said to her, “Taraben, learn to be disagreeable.” From then on, she always consulted me regarding matters and I too approached Bapa directly. Bapa approved that I was her mentor and so I carried on educating Taraben and Jyotiben on religious and spiritual matters without worrying.