Every morning I would leave for school at 7.30 am and would come home for lunch at 12.30 p.m. Mummyji would especially prepare my favourite meals. My mind was always pre-occupied with thoughts of the ideal sadhna, which I had read about and I was inclined to lean towards the principles of the “Gitaji”. Mummyji did not approve of my pre-occupation and I detested dining alone. Mummyji was afraid that I would leave to join the “Arvind Ashram” just as her brother, Chandubhai, had done. She therefore showed her dislike of my beliefs and efforts to live accordingly. However, it was a principle of mine that each person should be able to live their life according to their own convictions. Hence I adopted whatever I considered to be right and proper and I felt that she should be tolerant and supportive. This I believed but would not confront her. However, Mummyji was very upset and kept crying and I became frustrated. My nature was so typically “Patidariyo” (obstinate and stubborn), that I would not heed anyone and change. I carried on my nishkam karmayog, quietly resisting Mummyji. I would never become angry for fear of hurting her feelings. Although I tried to understand her feelings, I would not do so at the expense of compromising my principles.
In those days the majority of the Gujarati community spent their weekends at the “shambha” (farms) where they held beer parties and gambled, returning home on Monday morning. We were not interested in this type of entertainment. I had two close friends, Jethabhai and Chimanbhai. Our three families would spend weekends together eating, relaxing and socialising. Our favourite meal consisted of “khichadi and ghee” where the quantity of ghee consumed was proportionate to that of the khichadi. This was accompanied by other favourites such as “rasadar batéta nu shak, papadi, dar dhokdi, siro and bhajia”, which we devoured. We would go for long rides in the countryside in Dr Chimanbhai’s car. Every Sunday morning we would go and watch the 10.00 am show at the cinema. Due to the influence of Jethabhai and Mummyji’s desire to keep me content, my weakness for food took over and I over indulged in eating rich, unhealthy food. At that time I had no clear-cut goal or ideal in life. My life was aimless. I was living my life in ignorance, just for the sake of living. My life could be compared to that of “Jad Bharat”. It was my belief that once one had realised God and started to live according to His word, that would be “nishkam karmayog”. However, I had not recognised God and continued to live according to my own foolish interpretations of “nishkam karmayog”. I had come to an agreement with the leaders of the Patel Samaj that I would give free tuition to children as long as they set up a trust fund for the benefit of poor children. They did not adhere to this agreement and my efforts were in vain. It served the purpose of satisfying my ego, but could not be considered an act without ulterior motives. This made me despondent and I gave in to my inherent desire for good food to such an extent, that I became extremely fat. Between 1945 and 1948, my weight increased to 100 kilos! My life, full of ignorance and without direction, was led by an invisible desire for worldly happiness. Between 1944 and 1946, Bapa (Yogiji Maharaj) must have instigated something in me which caused me to develop a deep hunger or desire for something which I could not understand myself. I kept searching for something; what it was I did not know. Just as a small child who is drowning gasps for air, my soul was also searching for something. I did not know what I yearned for but something seemed to be lacking and I commenced my search. My efforts for nishkam karmayog were meditation and sadhna. Mummyji objected to this. I wrote a letter to Dadubhai explaining my feelings and thoughts, stating that I was being pulled by an unknown force. I did not know what my destiny was. I asked him to look after Mummyji and to take over the family responsibilities. My search for God and God-realisation had become intense.
In 1945, I began to experience a kind of mysterious confusion, which could only be appreciated by those who had experienced it. Immediately I turned to the books of Shri Arvind for inspiration. As suggested, I would meditate. At school and in the face of the world, I remained calm and tranquil, carefree and aloof. In December 1948, I was on vacation until 15th January (one and a half months), and was inspired by Bapa to visit Diwaliba in India. Before this, since 1945, after having read the literature of Shri Arvind, in which he suggested that one should constantly aspire to reach and realise God without becoming entangled elsewhere, and if one was sincere in this quest, God would definitely respond. I strived accordingly and it seems to me that Bapa heard my prayers.
As a teacher, even though I was considerably more able and better than some of my colleagues who would show off, I found that my career prospects were hindered. Hence I had pledged mahapuja at the temple of Gondal and immediately a miracle occurred – I was promoted to a higher grade. In this way, whenever I need help, albeit worldly, I would make a pledge of mahapujas and it always worked. In this way I definitely bartered with God, but I certainly did not believe that Yogiji Maharaj was a reincarnation of God and that I should devote myself to his service. Although I was not a devotee, I gradually began to accept that he was remarkable and that his forecasts regarding events were always accurate.
In December when I went to India, it seemed as though Yogiji Maharaj had been eagerly waiting for me and had come to Tardev, 6D Sonawala Buildings, especially for me. On that particular day Yogi Bapa had prepared the meal himself. It was not general practice in those days to hire chefs (rasoyas), hence when sadhus visited, the sadhus themselves cooked for everyone including visitors. On that day, Bapa had made ‘Gadi Rotlee’ and was waiting for me, when I arrived he said: “Motabhai avi Gaya ! chalo jamva” – showing his happiness, he invited me to come and eat. He served the Gadi Rotlee lovingly and later when I had finished eating he gave me a ‘Dhabo’ – a friendly pat on the back given by sadhus to devotees to signify their blessings. At that time I simply respected Bapa as a sadhu but did not make any conscious efforts to realise my spiritual goal. I had come to visit my mother Diwaliba and intended to do just that without getting involved in the satsang. I remained aloof and spent most of my time at one of the other houses. I went to Amdavad for the darshan of Shastriji Maharaj and I visited my father-in-law in Parbhani.
It seemed that Yogi Maharaj was intentionally and eagerly waiting for me. He would deliberately call me, converse with me and often bless me with a dhabo. My vacations ended and I returned to Africa in January 1949.
Between 1949 and 1950 I strived for my intense spiritual desire. I was content in every way; I did not lack anything. In 1950, Dadubhai who was on his way from India to England, stayed with us in Africa. He said to me “Shastriji Maharaj is a reincarnation of God and I have had visions of his murti. He fulfils all my wishes”. I expressed my disbelief and said to him “If you really do believe Shastriji Maharaj, should you not be going to Gondal instead of London?” Dadubhai went to London and I continued my life in Mombasa.
In 1950 when Dadubhai went to England, he had mentioned having visions of Shastriji Maharaj’s murti. I myself had more affection for Yogiji Maharaj. From the beginning I would turn to him by pledging mahapuja whenever I felt frustrated or needed any worldly assistance. My problems were solved as if by miracle.
Another such miracle, which impressed upon my mind the fact that Yogiji Maharaj was an incarnation of God, was the birth of my son, Praful. My friend, Dr Karvé, who was highly regarded in Mombasa used to say “A person with one eye is considered to be handicapped. He needs both eyes. Similarly, one son (Ramesh) is not adequate, you should have another.” This was also Mummyji’s wish. We pursued this, but due to Mummyji’s kidney problem, she could not conceive and she miscarried. I informed Dr Karvé of Mummyji’s problems and he told me not to worry. After one or two months into the pregnancy, he would treat her to ensure she would not have another miscarriage. At that time, the satsang was not foremost in my life and I would judge everything by my intellect. I would put into practice only that which I considered to be beneficial and that which had passed my judgement intellectually. This was basically my nature and no one could disturb my peace of mind. Thus Dr Karvé and I got together and we ensured that Mummyji had complete bed rest.
Chandubhai’s wife, Kala, cooked and took care of everything. Mummyji had very high blood pressure. My friend, Dr Chimanbhai, warned me that I was risking Mummyji’s life. I replied that I was well aware that we (Dr Karvé and I) were fighting against nature, but we were fighting to win. I used to console and comfort Mummyji, encouraging her to be optimistic and remain in good spirits. Mummyji also had a deep desire for Praful (another son) and gave full support. She tolerated the pain, and endured her condition cheerfully, otherwise this would not have been at all possible. Due to her kidney problem, parts of her body began to swell. Eight months had elapsed in this way and in the final month Mummyji could no longer tolerate her condition. Immediately I took her to see the doctor at the Pandya Clinic. That evening at 5.00 p.m., Prafulbhai was born weighing a mere three and a half pounds. Mummyji became unconscious and her condition became critical. The doctor informed me that Mummyji’s life was in danger. He had done everything possible, now she could only be saved by God. He asked me to have courage. I went to Dr Chimanbhai’s house for dinner. Whilst eating I began to pray; “Oh! Yogiji Maharaj, until now I have dealt with Kamla’s case using my intellect and I have failed. Please come to my aid and save them. Save one, save both, let one die, or let both die. I leave it to you. I have carried out my duty, now it is your responsibility. I will accept whatever you do”. Thus I thrust my burden unto Him. The next day, the doctor allowed Mummyji to eat yoghurt, which caused her to become unconscious again, but God saved her. They both lived and Praful, who weighed only three and a half pounds, was fed every four hours and weighed quite often. Praful was brought up with a lot of love, care and attention.
This incident convinced me that Bapa had saved both of them, my intellect accepted that Bapa was an incarnation of God and my faith became firm.