In this manner from eleven to sixteen years, I studied from the 1st to the 6th grade, achieving top grades in every subject. I was always a monitor. I prided myself on the fact that I could excel in any subject. When Motabhai came to India from Africa, Sarabhai felt that I should earn some money in order that our debts could be cleared. Motabhai went to meet the headmaster at Nadiyad and requested that I take my final exams. I consented and in 1933, when I was in the 6th grade I sat the exams, achieving a result of 33% and passing. However, obtaining such a low pass, meant my chances of a good career were slim. Had I studied for the full term, I would have had a good career. I would have gone onto further education. Due to poverty and debts, Motabhai suggested he take me to Mombasa and find me a job there. My father-in-law, Ambalal, intervened saying I was much too young to start a career and should study further. I took the exams again whilst living at Amdavad High Court Pleader hostel and a year was wasted.
The following year I enrolled at Surat College and having passed I entered for an internship. I failed and went back to Surat where a series of failures began.
Worried about the household, lack of money, impoverished in all respects and having no-one’s support, I went to Baroda to sit my final exams with only Rs. 10 in my pocket. I spent eight anas for the train ticket and stayed at the stationmaster’s home, who was a native of Lakhavad. I spent one week there and sat my exams in the hall with the large dome at the College of Baroda. During the week I had spent only eighteen anas (approx. two a day) – the rest of the money was still in my pocket. I had not spent any money on entertainment such as cinema – that I would do in my next life! At this time, I was more concerned with confronting this terrible time with a brave front, ensuring the facts were concealed from others and upholding our reputation.
After my exams, on my way back to Nadiyad, Diwaliba came to meet me at Anand Station. In Karamsad, Diwaliba and Sarabhai’s financial status was severe. They had absolutely no money. Diwaliba, who was full of pride, did not say anything to me but just as my train was about to leave she said, “Bhai, if you have any money, please leave me some”. This request created a great upheaval, almost a revolutionary change within Dadubhai and myself. The fact that my humble parents were suffering tremendous hardship caused me immense grief. I decided to stop studying and my main aim became to work towards helping my family improve their financial status. I became very thrifty, meeting my expenses within my budget of 300-400 rupees; paying for the bare essentials such as college fees and books. The food bill at the hostel was eight anas a day; to save money I would eat at home during the weekends and on Monday I would have lunch and return to college, thus saving three days food expenses (which would be one or one and half Rupees).
During one vacation in December I remained all alone in room D19. The whole hostel was empty. I asked the wife of a distant relative, who was working in Amdavad at the time, to cook some dhébras (shallow fried savouries made of grain flower, spices and yoghurt) for me. I took these to the hostel and every morning I would buy one bottle of milk. This would be enough to make three cups of tea during the day. Every morning, afternoon and evening I would eat dhébhras and tea. This would last me for four or five days. On the sixth day, the dhébhra tasted stale and were inedible. I threw them away and went to Nadiyad.
Despite the poverty that my parents were experiencing, I tried to keep a brave front, and ensured that our reputation remained intact. Dada was also in a similar financial position. Hence Dadubhai left for Mombasa without sitting his metric exams. I accompanied him to Bombay when he was leaving at which time I was wearing gold buttons on my shirt. On my return journey, I stayed the night with a wealthy relative called Tulsibhai Bakorbhai (my cousin’s father-in-law) in Baroda. I changed into an old shirt, packing away my new shirt with the gold buttons. When I arrived home, I unpacked but found that my gold buttons were missing. This was a severe blow. When I related this incident to Diwaliba, all she said was “Never mind, son”, but the severity of the incident hit me hard. Since then I made a resolution never to wear expensive ornaments on my clothing. Not even jewellery. Thus reducing the risk of loss and the tension of looking after such items. This became customary. My brother-in-law sent a watch for me from Dharmaj, which I wore until 1952, when it was replaced by the Omega watch that Dadubhai gave to me.
In this way, the hardship that I suffered in my youth taught me the lessons and the techniques of assessing people and their motives. This created a distance between us and our selfish relatives whose main purpose in associating with us would have been money related. This meant that we could live our lives according to our own convictions; our main aim being to repay our family debts. We pursued this single-mindedly. It had been my childhood ambition to do something unique. The inspiration from “Ram Lila” and Dada’s encouragement left me feeling that I was not an ordinary person. My mother and father had taught me that Punjajibapu was an incarnation of God. This I believed and had faith in him. At the festival in Anand Hospital, Dadubhai and I would stand on one leg singing the bhajan: “Mané pragat malya purushotam aaj”, we would pray for intellect that we would pass our exams. We did this until we reached our metric year. At this point Sarabhai told us that there was something lacking in Punjajibapu. This came as a great shock as we had believed in Punjajibapu on Sarabhai’s recommendation and having great faith in his judgement we had proceeded with this belief for so many years. Now he was saying that Punjajibapu was not a reincarnation of God.
Sarabhai was originally a devotee of Shastriji Maharaj who helped followers attain worldly possessions such as land, wealth etc., hence each persons faith was only as strong as the extent to which his desires were met. If Shastriji Maharaj did not fulfil their wishes, they would not consider him to be divine and would take manushyabhav. Hence Sarabhai’s convictions toward Shastriji Maharaj were full of doubt (savikalpa nischay) and his perception of Punjajibapu was similar. After Krishnaji-Ada initiated Sarabhai (Vartman Dharavya) at the temple of Rajkot, Sarabhai became devoted to the service of Shastriji Maharaj. Before that, he lived totally in accordance to Bapu’s wishes. Even though he had great debts, when Punjajibapu asked him to donate Rs. 3000, he did so by borrowing money at a very high rate of interest. Bapu kept this money for himself. At that time, interest rates were increasing and Sarabhai had absolutely no money whatsoever. Under the influence of Punjajibapu, Sarabhai was led to believe that he was knowledgeable enough to write and sell enough books to be able to repay the mortgage on his land. This was with the belief that he would not end up leaving large debts as a legacy for his children. This in itself was egotistical. No one had achieved the status whereby they were devoted to the service of Shastriji Maharaj in total selflessness and without any reservations (nirvikalp nischay). Even those considered to be leaders had only reached the stage of savikalpa nischay and would take manushyabhav because of worldly gains such as fame or fortune. Shastriji Maharaj refused Sarabhai to publish his book and because his pride was injured he turned to Punjajibapu who also refused. Sarabhai also spurned Punjajibapu. He was now independent, was qualified as a doctor and considered himself to have attained brahm-gnan and was a satpurush. He went further into debt in order to have three of his books published. Even though no one supported him, he carried on independently. However, the books did not sell, they remained on the shelves and eventually were infested with woodworm. The books had to be given away. This incident hurt Sarabhai and he tried various other schemes to try and relieve his position even though there was a shortage of funds. Diwaliba, an intelligent lady, perceived the situation well. She was unable say anything, thus endured the suffering quietly.
Having witnessed the events affecting my father, Dadubhai and I decided that we would only commit ourselves to the service of a Guruhari based on our own experiences. Until then we would abide by righteousness as pertaining to humanitarianism. We would not be the judges of what was just and unjust, and without interfering we would remain neutral. It was only to please Diwaliba that we assisted during the Golden Jubilee festivities of Shastriji Maharaj.
I studied up to the metric level and, having completed the two years of college (inter- ship), I went to Africa in order to earn money. I took a post as a teacher to help alleviate the financial difficulties of my family. In 1937, when I was twenty-one years of age, I carried the responsibilities of my family, the debts that we owed and our reputation, which I had carried since the age of eleven. However, the debts had never been a major source of worry for me. I took each situation within my stride and did whatever I could patiently. Just before I went to Africa, a local farmer had come to Sarabhai and requested that Sarabhai lend him some money, which he would pay back. Sarabhai did so by taking out a loan at a high interest rate. Whilst Sarabhai was incurring the costs of the loan the farmer, who was prospering, failed to repay the loan. Sarabhai was gradually becoming blind and was unable to pursue the matter with the farmer. I tried to warn Sarabhai but he did not heed my advice. I let the matter rest and decided to concentrate on relieving the burden of poverty by going to Africa.
By 1941 I had managed to save enough money, by teaching and giving extra tuition, to return to India and repay the mortgage on the land. I settled the debts whereupon Dadubhai expressed his desire to study further. I returned to Africa leaving Mummyji in Nadiyad. Between 1942 and 1945 I would spend only sixty to seventy shillings each month; forty for lodging with Motabhai, and another twenty to thirty for transport and miscellaneous expenses. I would send the rest to Dadubhai who was studying in Ceylon at the time. Dadubhai completed his studies, all family debts were repaid, our land became our own and my life became free from worries. The family reputation re-instated, we were no longer indebted to anyone. The family land, which had been at risk, was now intact. Dadubhai and I were relieved of family responsibilities.
I then wrote to Dadubhai suggesting that we strive towards some ideal goal. I told him I was searching for my ideal and urged him to do the same.
Between 1937 and 1945, I worked as a teacher, concentrating on my family obligations. I was so engrossed in this aim that I had no time for socialising with friends. I was never drawn towards people of different caste or class. It had always been my principle to be drawn towards only those who completely surrendered to me. As there was no chance of this happening, I made few friends.
When I was at college in Surat, ten or twelve students formed a “Patel Club”. At night we would get together to decide upon the following day’s meals. Some of my friends smoked a pipe and I also formed a habit. A servant would wake me and tell me that my pipe was ready. After brushing my teeth, I would smoke the pipe, take a bath and go to the club for lunch before going to college. To economise in college life, I ensured that I did not associate with those who had expensive tastes. I could not afford to do so and it saved me from making unnecessary expenses.